This time last year

Last year Labor Day weekend, we were in Panama City, but we had to come back early because of Steven's job. This year, Steven has been on call all week and is on call tomorrow (Labor Day) and worked yesterday in Savannah and today in Charleston. But all of this is small and insignificant. I started looking back on the photos from last year when I realized that our visit last year was the last time I would see my grandmother alive. Mumsie was a vibrant, loud, kind hearted lady who always wanted to make sure everyone was fed and happy with whatever we wanted. She loved her kids dearly, adored her grand kids and would have given the world to her only great grandchild Jimmy who was also named after her son and late husband. That last visit was just doing the "normal rounds" of visiting everyone and not a thought was given that we wouldn't be able to do it ever again. We knew that she had survived a lot and that her health was not good. Auntie was a saint, taking care of her 24-7 always looking for the best thing for her even when Mumsie didn't want it. I was very blessed at having spent three months with Mumsie earlier last year while I was waiting to take my massage exam and Steven was in Savannah. She was a handful, but I was able to have some great adult memories with her and she was able to be apart of my current life. Lauren and I took her to Super Target one day and she had so much fun picking out things for each grandchild and step grandchild. My fondest childhood memories with her was going to Tallahassee and spending a few weeks at her house where she would spoil me rotten with sugar cereals, dollar store toys and eating out. I was an only child there and I could watch what I wanted on TV and play on her organ. We played a lot in her pool at her PC home right up from the car wash. She would bring out sugar free Jello or Crystal Light for us to drink. Jimmy's Restaurant food was normally ordered and Dad would come up from the car wash and jump in to cool off. There was a great slide and we played tons of games together like Marco Polo and the Food Game. I still think about Mumsie surprisingly a lot almost every day, but I know she is happy with her new "thin", pain-free body in heaven and that one day I will see her again. I wish she could see cute toddler Jimmy now, her next great grandchild due in February and Lacy's wedding some day. We love and miss our Mumsie~

Boring lives...

Steven and I live fairly boring, quiet, old married people lives so I look at my blog almost every day and think, "Do I have anything interesting to write about?" This weekend was nice. Yesterday (Saturday) we ran some errands and then had Lyndsey, Jonathan and little Sarah over for dinner and a pre-natal massage for Lyndsey. I absolutely love massaging pregnant women because it's easy and they enjoy just being relaxed and rubbed on for a bit! :-) In school, I had one of the teachers come and see me almost every week while she was pregnant and it was great experience to see her through a couple of months. (Sorry Anna, I know you're probabaly steaming mad at me right now for not working on you. If we only lived in the same town...) It was nice to have the Goodmans' over and hang out with them. Sarah is growing and changing so much. I'm looking forward to seeing these twin boys soon, Andrew and Chase. November is not that far away! :-) Today (Sunday) we went to church, I crashed on the sofa while Steven watched hours and hours of pre-season (really boring) football. Tonight we went over to our new Pastor's house for a new member gathering and dinner. It was neat to learn about our new church, Morningstar Community Church and the direction we are headed. We are happy to have a church that we love, built on a firm foundation of Christ and the Bible. It is a lot like my parent's church in Panama City called Eastgate (aka surfer church). Morningstar is a Baptist outreach church, but with core values and vision based on the Saddleback Church and Rick Warren (The Purpose Driven Life author). That's briefly what it is about. Time to go to bed and get ready for the week. Love y'all~ and hope you have a wonderful week. God bless!

Life changes....

Inspired by Melanie's latest blog, I started thinking about my life changes. She started off talking about seeing the seasonal changes, but growing up in Panama City, Florida we didn't see the nice transitional seasons of spring and fall. So abrupt, spontaneous decisions and changes were a mainstay in my life. On January 1st, 1999, this naive, small town girl loaded down her little Honda and moved onto bigger and better things in Atlanta, Georgia. I was sick and tired of small town living and thinking, a very very crowded house and a limited selection of eligible men. I embarked on this new adventure with Georgia as my number one option, but as option number two a small mountain top school in western Pennsylvania. Scary! I had already applied to several other schools and at Florida Gulf Coast University in Fort Myers, I had made the number one alternate. But everything works out for a reason.
In August of the same year, I met Steven online while he was going to school at UNF in Jacksonville. I was very lonely off at school by myself so I would talk to people online and I especially like the Christian chat rooms. One night, he was in there and his opening line was "Anyone from Florida?" So we started talking about Florida. I still have the notepad that I wrote his info down on, name, age, how many kids he wanted (3, 2 girls and 1 boy) and all the strange questions he asked me. LOL I don't remember the questions, but they are all very interesting and now make much more sense. We talked, emailed and chatted for 4 months until we "collided" in Jax. We definitely had some chemistry! :-)
Well, those two were the biggest, monumental changes in my life. Moving to Jax, buying a house and moving to Savannah, GA are a close second. I haven't lived in PC since I left in 1999 and Steven and I got engaged in May, 2001 and married in Oct, 2002. Hopefully, the next biggest change will be a baby. With every season comes change, good and bad. Everything works out for a reason!

This is from "A Daily Walk in the Word- Our Journey"

"Courtesies"

"Courtesies. I extend courtesies to God. I politely thank Him for a good meal and a good day. I thank Him as I thank a waiter with a tip for a service well done. Yest sometimes I don't feel like leaving a tip or giving thanks. All too often I don't wake up in morning overwhelmed by God's goodness and overflowing with a heart that knows life is good and that heaven is far better.
What's wrong with me? Why don't I feel that with every waking breath and thought I owe God unending, heartfelt praise? Gradually I begin to realize that I have slipped into the presumption that God owes me something. I act as if I deserve what I get and more. I didn't ask to be born. Don't I deserve a good meal, a car that runs well, a meaningful work, and friends to count on? Don't I deserve health and happiness and all of the good things God gives me? That's why sometimes I say, "Thanks." I don't want to seem ungrateful.
Once in a while, the fog lifts long enough for me to see a different picture. In those moments, I am amazed to see the truth about what God owes me. Nothing. He doesn't owe me anything. More accurately, I don't even deserve what I have been given, let along what God has withheld. I don't deserve another day, another meal, another laugh. God is not indebted to me. He has no obligation to make me happy by giving me what my heart demands.
Thinking I deserve anything is my unholy presumption. I often forget the most basic and foundational doctrines of Christian faith. I forget that "grace" means "undeserved help." "Mercy" means "undeserved relief." What do we have that has not first been received as "grace" or "mercy"? Together they encompass everything. I deserve nothing. Any good is an act of God's sheer, undeserved kindness. In my presumption, I have it all wrong. God owes me nothing. But I owe Him everything."

By: Mart de Haan

Okay, I'm bored...

and when I'm bored, I do too much thinking, complaining, worrying and EATING! Keep me away from the pita chips please!!! So what do you do when you're bored? does the guilt trip creep in saying "why aren't you doing the dishes? there are piles of laundry everywhere, what about them?" or do you through caution to the wind, laying around eating bon bons and watching soap operas?
So thought for the day...I was listening to the radio this morning and Max Lucado, Christain author, came on with his brief radio spot. He told the story of his trying out for high school football and making the team. He was the go to guy for the coach when he wanted to change plays. Now Max thought, "Wow- how cool would it be if I just told them a play that I wanted to do or just no play at all. Whatever I want to do", but he knew that he didn't see the whole picture (or game plan) as the coach did, he did not have as much experience or knowledge as the coach and he would probably be kicked off the team. Our life is like this scenario. We want to run our own plans and ideas, but we can't see the whole picture of things like God can. He doesn't allow us to run things our way because He knows what is best for us now and in the long run. It's so easy to get SO wrapped up into our own little lives and all the crap that is going on, that it is always hard to see outside of that. I love traveling for this reason. You get to see other people's lives and outside of your own "small world." We may not understand all hard stuff we have to go through or the day-to-day activities, but He does and He knows how and why they all fit together and work towards His good. Isn't that comforting?
So off my soap box now....lots of random thoughts today. If you could change anything in your life, what would it be? My first thought towards this is "Money. I want enough to live comfortably." But all the money in the world won't buy happiness so they say and if you ever watch those E! Hollywood Stories about "unlucky" lottery winners, that may be true. Most of them lost all the money to various reasons and ended up divorced and/or lonely with multiple family problems. I don't envy people with tons of money, I just would like to have the freedom that it allows. God has taken care of all our needs up to the point, so why is it so hard to give him over all the financial control so I don't fret or worry about things? Ugh- so frustrating to be so weak and prideful. I was reading in Exodus the other day and those horrible Hebrew people who saw first hand miracle after miracle yet were so quickly to whine, complain and turn from God to their idols. Yet, WE DO THE SAME THING! We may not have seen huge wonders like the Red Sea parting and then swallowing the Egyptian army, but everyone of us have had "small miracle" happen in our lives that we saw or were unseen. So, why are we so quick to turn from him? Frustrating to say the least...

Things I love about Savannah...

Since I got a little emotional in my last blog, I decided to face reality head on and look at the positive sides to being located in Savannah.

• Spending time with Steven's family. I love being able to see little Sarah grow up and I am looking forward to the twin boys making their arrival in November/December. We have gotten to know Lyndsey's sister Rebecca and her husband Richard better and "adapted" some of their friends as our own. :-) When Grandma Betty (Durrence) was getting her hair done in Savannah, I adored having lunch with her on Friday's when my schedule allowed. His Aunt Gigi and Uncle Danny have always been so supportive and generous and it was so nice having them close by when we were in Sunbury for dinners together and sharing Internet time. :-) The Tucker side of the family we are getting to know better and better especially with Steven working there now. They're some of my biggest fans of my blog! Hi Melanie, Megan and Aunt Gail!!!!! Love ya~
• LESS TRAFFIC! My commute is cut in half from Jacksonville and I love it. We can get to downtown in @ 15 minutes from our house and @ 30 mins to the mall, but who needs to spend money anyways. :-) Walmart, Sams, Lowes and Home Depot are less than 5 mins away and Kroger is a 10 min drive.
• The trees. The large draping oaks that line the streets of Savannah whisper tales of history going back to 1733. Their moss weighted branches cast a shadow of black coolness in these dog days of summer and I can see so many stories of romance and bravery etched in their gnarled trunks. If you can't tell, I'm a huge fan of history, writing and romance and the cobblestone streets, rustic iron works and horse drawn carriages are right up my ally. I'm hoping to head up to Charleston, SC sometime soon and absorb some history there too (it's @ 2 1/2 hours away).
  
• My house. Our house layout is fantastic and the dogs enjoy the large yard tremendously. We're not big fans of yard work, but we do our best! We have so many plans that we'd like to do and hopefully, one day we can do. We still have some painting to do and curtains to get, but the four bedrooms allow Steven a Miami Dolphin crazed office/autograph room, a scrapbook/exercise room for me, a "guest room" with a wonderful king blow up mattress and our master bedroom. We have 500 more sq feet than we had in Jacksonville and it's great for all our "crap" with the addition of a great dining room suite from Steven's grandma Tucker.
• Our neighborhood. We love all the trees that they left and the wonderful park right in the middle of the subdivision. We have a terrific pool which we hadn't used much, but we have started swimming almost ever night and it's AWESOME. We don't have the upkeep of a pool yet all the enjoyment. :-)
• My job! I have never had a job that I have loved and now I do. Living day to day is so much more enjoyable when you don't dread everyday and are miserable at work after driving an hour one way. My bosses are so flexible, understanding and supportive and my co-workers are crazy and fun! I have taken advantage of getting my hair done, chemical peels monthly on my face and pedicures bi-weekly for free. :-) Don't get too jealous now...lol

Why do I...

• Bite my fingernails. It's a nasty habit I have had since I was little and I just can't ever seem to stop. Being a massage therapist, we are required to have short nails, but mine are shorter than short.
  
• Always order different at every restaurant we eat at (or at least Steven says I do). I like being the adventurous one and adding some spice to my life I guess.
  
• Love to sleep! Last night, I slept 10 hours and LOVED it. If I don't get a good night sleep, I am not a very pleasant person. I don't know what I'm going to do when we have kids. :-)
  
• Talk my poor, innocent friends' ears off. Becca was so sweet to call me the other day and we were on for almost an hour with me going on and on about moving back to PC. Mandy and I played phone tag back and forth the other day until we finally got to talk a bit. Having friends that have kids is hard because I never want to call when they are so busy with crazy, wild kids. :-) j/k I don't want to be a pain, but I am.
• Really enjoy just being at home. I think I have always been a sort of home-body. When we were in Jacksonville, it was easy to stay at home because we didn't have much money to do things anyways. I love watching movies and chilling out with some popcorn or working on my scrapbooks. I've really gotten into cooking a lot more at home too because it's so much better for you and it costs so much less. (If only I could learn to love dishes!) Don't get me wrong, I love a great dinner out like we had the other night at Uncle Bubba's with Dad and John, but I end up paying for it later.
  
• Miss my family so much. In my totally dominated conversation with Becca, I was telling her that when I have to leave them or they leave here, it feels like my whole insides ache and my heart just hurts. I try not to cry, but lately it doesn't always happen. When Steven and I were apart, I missed him so much especially on the day to day activities and such, but this is completely different. In college, I remember just sobbing down Hwy 231 driving out of PC. I got better living in Jax because we were able to see them about once a month, but now that Anna and Allan have moved there, it makes it that much worse. I try to be realistic about all of this because I know that they would all drive me completely crazy, but I miss the little things....breakfast over at Mom and Dad's before church, Lauren's days off were we could go shopping or get our nails done, lunch with Mandy while helping her with cleaning houses, Friday morning breakfast with Mom and Gran, having Auntie just stop by to chat and hang out, watching my wonderful nephew grow and change with each passing day and really get to know Lacy and John who don't even remember me being around for anything in there lives. It's so hard to believe that I've been gone for almost 10 years now.

I think I'll stop at that point before it gets SO completely sappy and sad. Sorry, it's been a really long week and I'm pooped. No more massages for me...until Monday. Lots of love~